In search of lip balm

I'm a good driver (and not just because I say I am). HS says I'd make a great truck driver because I can dig one-handed for something in my backpack behind my seat without taking my eyes off the road (also a trademark Mom-move). Ninety-nine percent of the time I grab the intended object on the the first try... today was NOT one of those days.~


I'm stopped at the lights at the traffic square (if you know Edmonton at all, you know exactly where I was), and I reach behind me for my cell phone and snag it from it's compartment - no problem, even with my left hand. I then decide my lips are dry so I need my lip balm. Again, with my left hand, I reach behind my seat, undo the zipper on my backpack and stretch so I can reach the intended pocket. I feel around for the lip balm ...not there...

...hmm...

I pull my arm back towards me, to take another stab at it - I feel a sharp tug...



...something is wrong



...something is very wrong


I can't get my arm out from behind me

~~~

I jerk my arm toward my body -- I feel a sharp pain in my left hand and this time my entire (30lb+) backpack moves.

I feel a stabbing pain in my left hand. I twist around to see what the problem is (trying not to smack my head on the B-pillar) but I can't see my hand. I quickly discover that the pain is much worse if don't hold my hand/arm a certain way.

The light turns green and my car is at the front of the intersection--

(did you forget that I was sitting in traffic - I didn't!)

I readjust myself in my seat, look for opposing traffic and accelerate away from the light. My hand feels like I've been stabbed and one of my fingers is tingling. My arm is still contorted behind me - similar to how they restrain people on COPS.

I drive, looking for a place to turn off and stop -- I see nothing -- for several blocks.

My left hand starts to cramp up and I grimace in pain.

I see a parking lot ahead. I think I can turn into it without much difficulty.

I flick on the turn signal (yes I actually did- not sure how, but I did) and turn right into a quiet strip mall.
I try not to slam the gearshift into park (but I'm sure I did, despite my half-hearted attempt at restraint).

By this time I can't feel one of my fingertips and there is definitely something digging hard into part of my hand.



I fling my seat belt off and attempt to open my door (this took a second or two longer than I expected because I don't usually open the door with my right hand).

I swing my legs out of the car trying not to dislocate my shoulder or elbow. I tentatively look toward where my left hand meets my backpack...

and what do you think I find?

My ring has caught the *handy-dandy* key hook inside my backpack...

Seriously.

All of that because of a stupid plastic hook that's supposed to make my life easier.

~~~

I freed myself from my restraints and celebrated my new found liberty with a bacon egg McMuffin meal with OJ.



What about the lip balm, you ask? It turns out that I didn't have any with me at all!

From my performance today I won't be trying out for Cirque du Soleil anytime soon.