Monday, July 24, 2006

G helps call my inner demon's bluff...

While perusing some of my favorite blogs I came across "The Period of Mourning" post by G, which hit a chord with me.

I now have better understanding of why I procrastinate so much. The pathological perfectionist within me would rather have nothing at all to show for my work than have something that is not exactly what I envisioned. My inner demon paralyzes me or sabotages most of my attemps at completing anything well. And when I do get something done well, my inner perfectionist takes all the credit.

I know that I don't let go of things and I have a great deal of trouble dealing with the loss of even the silliest things (chapstick, favorite pen) let alone the big stuff that really matters. So using G's elegant analogy, if I procrastinate on projects in order to avoid the need to mourn them.--do I really have anything to mourn over at all? Shouldn't I mourn the fact that nothing was created or learned which inherently is the real loss? I wander and wonder...

On that note, boys and girls--it is time for me to spend money on some cognitive therapy...


Sunday, July 23, 2006

So...what Arcana Tarot Card are you?


Thanks to Lazarus (a.k.a the Angry Sibling) for the quiz link.



You scored as - The Empress.

The Empress is a maternal symbol.
She is the mother figure who loves, nurtures and protects.
She will protect you, she will always be there when you are in trouble.
When you fall over and graze your knee, the Empress will kiss it better.

Yet she is not a weak figure. Her compassion is strength.
If her children are threatened she will stop at nothing to protect them.

If well aspected in a Tarot spread, the Empress can symbolise security, protection and unconditional love.

If badly aspected it can represent over-protectiveness, fear of risk taking and refusal to face the real world.




III - The Empress


94%

II - The High Priestess


88%

I - Magician


81%

XI: Justice


75%

IV - The Emperor


75%

XIX: The Sun


75%

0 - The Fool


56%

XV: The Devil


56%

X - Wheel of Fortune


50%

XIII: Death


44%

XVI: The Tower


44%

VI: The Lovers


38%

VIII - Strength


19%

Which Major Arcana Tarot Card Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

To control or not to control...

Why is it that once I get something the way I want it, I can't just be happy?

Am I going to fight myself my entire life?

I'm not talking life altering experiences here but they seem to be at the time. Is the world really going to end right now if the dishes aren't done when I want them done or the garbage isn't emptied as soon as it's full?

NO! (disclaimer--it's not likely to anyway).

but I make myself crazy thinking that it will.

I really need to become more like my aunt who is Buddhist and has a better life than I ever will.

I am certainly not going to be at peace with much until I'm at peace with myself, I guess.


In the meantime...here's a nice picture to calm the mind...

Monday, July 17, 2006

I studied today...honest!

Okay, so I didn't get as much studying done as I wanted, but I never do 'cause I expect too much of myself (and those around me). I must say kudos to myself though - I didn't even leave the house, for I knew it would spell disaster for completing any school work. And it was really nice out today too!

I did watch a little TV-about 30mins of TopGear, some of the evening news, half of Enterprise and a full episode of the 44oo. I think I'm going to actually have to rent The 4400 as tonights' episode, Life interupted, hooked me real good.

I did however, finish and submit the 2nd big assignment for my course. I'll start on the last one tomorrow.

Oh crap, it's midnight and I've got to work tomorrow! Time to hurry up and sleep!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

My four letters of fame...and other ramblings

Ah yes, Orphans aired tonight and it rocked!

I also realized that technically, I swore on the radio. Even my Angry Sibling hasn't done that (yet) and he's the Angry one! I just thought that was interesting. Hopefully *s*h*i*t* won't be my claim to fame (I kinda doubt it will be). I have so much more to offer besides being a bit of an Alberta red-neck girl who owns too many vehicles--I also enjoy expensive wine :)

House Spouse listened with me on the internet as CJSR doesn't have the wattage to reach us out in the boonies (plus the antenna on my stereo sucks--it wanders on and off station while I walk around the house). He liked what he heard and he said he knows why I like Orphans so much--because it works the same way my mind does--racing in several directions at once. He didn't *get* a fair amount of the stuff going on during the episode though. Now I know he uses VERY little mental power to infer things from a conversation, and I have to speak VERY clearly and literally to get any point across. For some reason, he doesn't believe that the listener should have to do any work at all-- the speaker should do it all for him. I think this attitude comes from watching too much TV, but I must begrudingly admit that he does have a small point.

I remember that I had a record as a kid (yes, I said record...for a record player...get over it) that was about Wonderwoman (is this supposed to be one word?). Anyway, it came with its own full colour comic book that mirrored the story. I remember that more often than not I would listen to the record without even glancing at the comic because the narration and transitional sound effects were such that I knew exactly where the story was going. I had all the audio cues to prompt me and get my brain going in the right direction. Orphans is a learning experience for ALL involved--including the listeners. So clean out the earwax people, and prepare to actively listen -- I know that once you get the hang of it, as the story progresses you'll like what you hear as well as what you'll see in your minds eye.

Extra! Extra! Read/Hear all about it!

I've been conditionally accepted into Rehab Medicine! This should clearly make me very happy, as I've been working towards this for over a year. However, as I've been working toward this for more than a year, it is no longer bright and shiny. This is creating huge procrastination problems for me as I'd rather be doing just about anything besides study (the gorgeous weather hasn't helped much either). I've again worked myself into a corner and I'm not sure how to get out of it. I'll figure it out though... I always do.

Orphans, the fiction radio drama I've been involved with is airing episode 1:Look Up in the Sky tonight on CJSR! You can hear it live around 10:20 pm MST over the airwaves or the internet. Or you can download it from here. I knew it was going to be good, but I've been blown away by how it turned out...Ryan and Gayleen have done an amazing job! Kudos! Check out the bios too...I'm sure you'll enjoy them.

Mom and Dad are off again, this time to Ontario for a Coast to Coast reunion and the like. I'm sure when they get back around the end of the month they'll just want to sit still for a while and try to get some resemblance of a routine in their daily lives. They've been nomads for almost a year...

House spouse's parents are coming up for a visit on the 7th until the 14th or so. It'll be nice to see them as we don't get down to visit them as much as we'd like. They are wonderful and I'm not just saying that. I really enjoy their company and we really like staying with them when we go south.

I'm sure there's more stuff I should be writing but I really need to get back to the books *grumble-gripe*

Don't forget to check out Orphans!